Hello all…Hollys given you the general jist so I’ll just tell you about my morning

I woke up this morning with a mild case of back pain. Im not sure why exactly. But I think it was probably due to the amount of jhinga prawn masalas I’ve been eating and the amount of times I’ve put my feet up to read my book in the last week. Anyway. I decided I’d go and have an ‘Ayurvedic Massage’ I didn’t really know what this was to be honest, but I figured a bit of a back massage would do me a world of good.

I was ushered into a room and inside was greeted by a moustached bloke called Raaj who was about 4 foot 3. I said hello…he shook his head from side to side and then produced a piece of translucent material that would best be described as something the length of 4 sheets of toilet paper with a shoe lace across the top. ‘You put this on’ he said then left the room. At this stage alarm bells started going off in my head. Either he was having a good old laugh at my expense or he thought I was Borat and that id lost my thong.

Anyway It took me about 10 minutes to figure out how on earth to secure the cloth effectively enough to cover my shame. And by the time I said I was ready for him to come in I had serious doubts as to whether I was wearing it in the correct manner…but it seemed to just about work.

It turns out an Aruyvedic Massage is an all over body massage which takes about an hour and involves all sorts hot scented oils etc. The first 15 minutes effectively involves ritually battering your skull in different places and pulling your hair until you get tears in your eyes and you have a splitting headache. The second 15 minutes involves lying on your back while Raaj massages the insides of your upper legs and your stomach. Then the last half hour seems to chill out a bit although he did untie the thong when I was face down to complete the ‘full body experience’…cheeky. To be honest there were moments when I could barely contain my amusement as I was stroked then battered and proded and Raaj asked ‘massage power okay?’…but I think id do it again.

Back still hurts though…maybe I’ll have Masala Fish instead tonight.